helpless

I am drained.  emotionally.  physically.  exhausted.  continuously bursting into tears--i know that the things that are making me cry are real things, but they shouldn't be affecting me the way that they are.  I'm tempted to break into the Prozac that I went off of several months ago just to get through this week, but I know that in reality I need to rest in the Lord, turn these things over to Him, and trust that He is in control.  I'm not depressed--I'm just weary. 

I try to do everything on my own strength, and the reality is that I don't have much strength compared to a normal person, much less compared to my Lord & Savior!  So why is it so hard to trust in Him to take care of the things that concern me?? 

I'm going through one of my favorite devotional books with the girls that I disciple--it's Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray.  The book basically goes through what it means to truly abide in Christ from John 15:1-12.  My favorite verses from this passage are verses 4 & 5:

4 Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  5  I am the vine; you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 

 I think it's one of those sayings that we hear a lot and don't quite grasp the meaning, but it's right in the text.  The vine & the branches are, in essence, one plant.  But each have roles--each branch springs from the vine.  The branches find their source of life, nourishment, and support only by being completely attached to the vine.  It is from this source that the branch gains the necessary components to flourish, grow, and bear fruit.  No matter how fruitful a branch may be, if it is cut off from the vine it will wither and it and it's fruit will die.  In the same way, if the branch is not there, the vine will not produce fruit. 

In the past week or so I have allowed the craziness of life to separate me from my vine.  It's ridiculous really how quickly that separation can come about.  I've let me time with the Lord which had been so life-giving sit on the back-burner.  It's not that I have completely lost touch w/my faith in a week, but I've learned that if I don't seek the Lord CONTINUALLY I try to rely on my strength--I am a cut off branch, lying on the ground, trying to bear fruit that is only dying.  And I'm out of strength.  There is no more life in this branch to draw from b/c as a cut off branch, that nourishment and sustenance that may remain from my time attached to the vine will be used up quickly--and once it's gone there is nothing left.  Thankfully we have a gracious God who allows us to reattach.  I just hope I will learn once and for all not to detach again!

So now I am turning these things over to the Lord, and turning back to Him.  I can't do it on my own, and I sure don't want that pressure!  Praise the Lord for giving us the strength to sustain us.

In other news, I got so behind on my 90 day challenge last week that catching up before the month is over will probably not happen :(  BUT it has still been an amazingly worthwhile exercise and reading the Bible in 100 days still feels like quite an accomplishment!

 

"Then you will know that I am the Lord": thoughts on Ezekiel

Well, I'm in my last month of the 90 day Bible challenge and I can't believe I"ve made it this far!  I got behind in Isaiah and have somewhat skipped over it since we are studying it in BSF but I'm reading a few chapters of it each day to still be able to have done the whole Bible in 90 days (I would have been kinda bummed out to not complete the whole thing...) Today I will be reading through the books of Daniel & Hosea, but I wanted to stop and talk about Ezekiel a little bit.

Of all the prophets, I think this has been my favorite so far.  The ways that God instructs Ezekiel to act out His message are just crazy!  He eats a scroll, acts out a nighttime escape, shadowboxes, gesticulates, builds a model Jerusalem, lays on his left side for 390 days and his right for 40 days (while bound by cords...), and heartbreakingly does not mourn the death of his wife under instruction from God.  Just wild stuff.  The setting is in the Babylonian era in the early 500 B.C. era--in the midst of the exile of Isreal & Judah and their punishment and scattering among the nations.  (I'm definitely not an O.T. scholar, so forgive me if I got any of that wrong).  Ezekiel has graphic visions of heaven, God's glory, and heavenly beings, as well as the new temple. 

Of all of that though, what stuck out to me the most was the emphasis on God's glory, His name, and His reputation.  The great thing about reading through this so quickly is that it is really easy to pick up on themes & common phrases, and in this book more than any I have seen that repetition.  There is a lot of "I, the LORD, have spoken" phrases and "It is not for your sake, but for the sake of my holy name" but the one that is most repeated is "Then they will know that I am the LORD" (or some derivative of that--sometimes "you", sometimes "the nations", etc...). 

I actually went through and underlined each instance of this statment and from the first time I noticed it (in chapter 6) through it's last appearance in ch. 39, this phrase is repeated 64 times!  That's right, 64 times in 33 chapters (actually fewer chapters b/c some of the visions did not include it...)!  So why is this so imprtant?  Well, it obviously shows that God's glory and reputation is of utmost importance to Him, but I thought that the context of these statements show very important aspects of God's character.  I'm not going to go through all, but I want to examine some of the verses with this statement and what they say about the Lord.  (all quotes from the NAS version)

7:4 "For My eye will have no pity on you nor shall I spare you, but I shall bring your ways upon you, and your abominations will be among you; then you will know that I am the LORD!"

12: 15-16 "So they will know that I am the LORD when I scatter them among the nations, and spread them among countries.  (16) But I shall spare a few of them from the sword, the famine, and the pestilence that they may tell all their abominations among the nations where they go, and may know that I am the LORD."

13:9 "So My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations.  They will have no place in the council of My people, nor will they be written down in the register of the house of Israel, nor will they enter the land of Israel, that you may know that I am the LORD GOD."

13: 21 "I will also tear off your veils and deliver My people from your hands, and they will no longer be in your hands to be hunted; and you will know that I am the LORD."

16:62 "Thus I will establish My covenant with you, and you shall know that I am the LORD."

17: 24 "And all the trees of the field will know that I am the LORD; I bring down the high tree, exalt the low tree, dry up the green tree , and make the dry tree flourish.  I am the LORD; I have spoken, and I will perform it."

20:11-12 "And I gave them My statutes & informed them of My ordinances, by which, if a man observes them, he will live. (12) And also I gave them My sabbaths to be a sign between Me and them, that they might know that I am the LORD who sanctifies them."

20:38 "and I shall purge from you the rebels and those who transgress against Me; I shall bring them out of the land where they sojourn, but they will not enter the land of Isreal.  Thus you will know that I am the LORD."

20:42 "And you will know that I am the LORD, when I bring you into the land of Israel, when I bring you into the land of Israel, in to the land which I swore to give to your forefathers."

20: 44 "Then you will know that I am the LORD when I have dealt with you for My name's sake, not according to your evil ways or according to your corrupt deeds, O house of Israel, declares the LORD GOD."

 22:15-16 "And I shall scatter you among the nations, and I shall disperse you through the lands, and I shall consume your uncleanness from you.  16 And you will profane yourself in the sight of the nations, and you will know that I am the LORD."

23: 49 "And your lewdness will be requited upon you, and you will bear the penalty of worshiping your idols; thus you will know that I am the LORD GOD."

25: 17 "And I will execute great vengeance on them [Philisita] with wrathful rebukes; and they will know that I am the LORD when I lay My vengeance on them."

28: 25-26 "Thus says the Lord GOD, 'When I gather the house of Israel from the peoples among whom they are scattered, and shall manifest My holiness in them in the sight of the nations, then they will live in their land which I gave to My servant Jacob. 26 And they will live in it securely; and they will build houses, plant vineyards, and live securly, when I execute judgments upon all who scorn them round about them. Then they will know that I am the LORD their GOD."

 29: 6 "Then all the inhabitants of Egypt will know that I am the LORD, because they have been only a staff made of reed to the house of Israel."

34: 27 "Also the tree of the field will yield its fruit, and the earth will yield its increase, and they will be secure on their land.  Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I have broken the bars of their yoke and have delivered them from the hand of those who enslaved them.

36: 11 "And I will multiply on you man and beast; and they will increase and be fruitful; and I will cause you to be inhabited as you were formerly and will treat you better than at the first.  Thus you will know that I am the LORD."

 36: 23 "'And I will vindicate the holiness of My great name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst.  Then the nations will know that I am the LORD' declares the Lord GOD, 'when I prove Myself holy among you in their sight'."

36: 36 "Then the nations that are left round about you will know that I, the LORD have rebuilt the ruined places and planted that which was desolate; I, the LORD, have spoken and will do it."

39:7 "And My holy name I shall make known in the midst of My people Israel; and I shall not let My holy name be profaned anymore.  And the nations will know that I am the LORD, the Holy One in Israel."

 39:21-22 "And I shall set My glory among the nations; and all the nations will see My judgment which I have executed, and My hand which I have laid on them.  22 And the house if Israel will know that I am the LORD their God from that day onward."

39:28 " 'Then they will know that I am the LORD their God because I made them go into exile among the nations, and then gathered them again to their own land; and I will leave none of them there any longer. 29 And I will not hide My face from them any longer, for I shall have poured out My Spirit on the house of Israel,' declares the Lord GOD."

So...lots of verses but ultimately I feel that the point is that the Lord uses His power to show that He is (the only) Lord/God.  Israel has repeatedly abandoned God.  They have sought after the idols and customs of other nations, they have defiled the temple--basically they have broken the heart of the Lord.  I think this is pictured best in chapter 16 with a story of Israel as a harlot who has abandoned her first love.  God is a jealous God and does not allow for His people to serve another--therefore there are consequences to that sin and Israel is sent into exile.  Removed from the promised land and given over to the nations who they have sought after instead of the Lord.   During this time God removes those who have corrupted His people--the evil rulers (ch. 11) the false prophets (ch.13), the Idolatrous elders (ch 14) and sinful individuals (ch 18).  He also punishes the other nations who have seduced His people.  But He leaves a remnant of faithful (6:8-10) who He will restore to His good favor and with whom He will make an eternal covenant.

In the "will know that I am the LORD" statements we see examples of His power shown in particular ways.  He is powerful in that He will punish and destroy sin, unfaithfulness, idolatry, and the profaning of His name.  He is so powerful that even inanimate creation knows that He (and only He) is the LORD and controls all life.  He is powerful in the fact that what He says comes to pass.  He is powerful in mercy--He deals with us to bring glory to His name even when we deserve destruction.  His dealings with His people are so powerful that they are a witness to all nations.  Power in destruction.  Power in redemption.  Power in glory.  Power in creation.  Power over the nations.

Some people struggle with the idea that God is most concerned with the sake of His name--His glory--rather than our lives, but I find amazing freedom in this.  If it were just about our actions, why would God want to forgive our unfaithfulness?  If He were only concerned with our happiness, creation would be in utter chaos, because the total pursuit of personal happiness often causes pain and suffering to others--His concern with His glory means He is just in consequences to sin and unrighteousness in the world.  I'm struggling with verbalizing what I want to say here, but the fact that He is most concerned with His glory assures us that He is in control of what is going on in the world.  All things work together for the good--it may not be the "good" that we have in mind, but it is ultimately to bring glory to Him.

That may have made no sense whatsoever, but ultimately the question is, what is going on in your life that you and others might know that God is the Lord?