humility

I struggle with pride.  I always have, but it has been especially difficult since getting involved in ministry while I was in college.  God broke me to the extreme at one point in college and showed me that the dear ladies in my Bible study were in His hands, not mine...but I just like to get it into my head that their growth is dependent on me.  It's not.

Tonight I was reading in one of my devotional books and saw this quote (in reference to evangelism):

"Aim at the glory of God in the person's salvation. Do it not to get a name for yourself or to bring people to depend on you" ~Richard Baxter, as quoted in Show Me Your Love: Classic Christian Writings

That last part "to bring people to depend on you" kinda slapped me in the face.  I vividly remember a conversation I had with one of the girls in my first Bible study.  I was getting ready to graduate and get married and would no longer be meeting one-on-one with all the girls for discipleship, and had divided them up into pairs as accountability partners so they could learn to maintain that type of relationship on their own when they weren't being pursued in discipleship. I said something to the effect of doing this so they wouldn't depend on me and have withdrawals when I could no longer meet one-on-one, and she responded that she did not depend on me.  In total honesty, that hurt my feelings!  As much as I said that I gave God the glory for them and for their growing walks with Him, in reality I took some of that glory for myself.  I felt like their desire and growth were effects of my efforts.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, as I have seen this tendency rear it's ugly head in my life now that I am leading and discipling again. Do people grow as a result of having others invest in their lives?  YES!  but the thing I have to remember is that God could use anyone to do this work.  The growth does not come from the fact that it is me who is doing the investing--and that is amazing b/c if college students were to depend on me for their growth, it would be pretty horrible when they graduate and move away!

I feel like God has given me a "thorn in the flesh" if you will to keep me humble. That is the fact that, though ministry has often been successful, in many aspects of my life and with some of the people I love most, my efforts do nothing.  If it was all about me and what I do, everyone who I invest in would be Christians and completely on fire for the Lord and not focused on things of the world or any of that (not that I am completely on fire or focused on the Lord, but in my pride I could see that as being a source of my work).  God is working in His timing, which I cannot understand.  He will bring the glory to His name, which will sometimes mean that I get no part in it. 

Praise be to the Lord for the work He has done and is doing!