I've been in an odd place lately.  Pensive and at the same time feeling like my thoughts are very shallow.  It is interesting where life takes you.  I stumbled upon a saved im conversation that I had with an old friend several years back who had asked me what I felt that my calling in life was.  My reply?

"Motherhood & ministry.  I'm 100% sure"

Hmmm...Here I am at a time in my life where both would be possible.  For the first time in 7 years I am not actively involved in any ministry, and we are not yet ready for kids.  To be honest, the thought of having a child absolutely terrifies me!!  It just feels weird.  Am I out of line with God's will for my life or is he just taking me a different route to get there?

I'm also struggling in my times with the Lord once again.  I just am having a hard time getting into it.  I guess it's like any relationship...I mean, w/hubs some of our date nights or times together are really awesome and we're emotionally connected, but sometimes we're just doing it b/c it is what our marriage needs. 

Once again, I'm struggling with my weight a LOT.  I just don't know how to make the lifestyle changes that I need to do and all my health conditions are making it very difficult to maintian any type of exercise routine.  I'm eating more fruits and veggies, that is one of my main goals, and trying to keep the baked stuff out of the house, but it's just hard for me.  Baking is my outlet.  I don't feel like I can do any kind of deprivation diet b/c then I just give up, but right now I'm giving up no matter what I do.  I feel like it's silly to ask, but will you pray for me in this?  I have got to get it under control. 

I feel like a broken record.  It seems like it's always the same things that I'm dealing with and that makes me feel like I have no willpower or ability to make progress.  Boo.