An update

So I'm almost through I Kings in the 90 day challenge and though it has definitely been a challenge I have learned and gained so much!  I have missed two days so far--made one up, then missed today so we'll see if I make up the time or if I can really finish in 90.  Eep!  I have learned that I really struggle to get this done if I don't do it first thing after I get up in the morning, and somehow my days seem even more full now that I'm not working--crazy!

I think that the most helpful thing for me has been that in reading in such quick succession I am able to really pick up on consistencies, patterns, cause/effect situations, etc...  In studying Israel and really all of the Old Testament figures I am overwhelmed at God's patience with His people and His true compassion & love for them.  I mean, you always hear about God's love for you, but reading about how He would punish them yet still hear them and forgive when they cried out to Him.  I love this in Judges 10:10-16. In the first 5 verses you see how Isreal has forsaken the Lord for false gods and are being punished.  Then in verse 16 "...they put away the foreign gods from among them, and served the Lord; and He could bear the misery of Israel no longer" (NASB, emphasis added).  How special is that?  That even when we turn away over and over and over, God loves us enough that it hurts Him to see us in misery--even over our own sin!

Another encouraging aspect of this study has been in seeing how God chooses and loves imperfect people.  Yes, there are consequences to sin (Moses not going into the promised land, David not getting to build the temple & losing his first son with Bathsheeba), but this is exactly the places where you see Romans 8:28 lived out!  I thought that it was especially intersting that God fulfilled his covenant with David (II Sam. 7:8-17) initially through Soloman--a child who was born to David & Bathsheeba!  He would not have existed without David's sin, yet the Lord used his lineage. 

Praise the Lord for His forgiveness, His graciousness, and His love!!!

Bible in 90 days: day 4--done w/Genesis!

Wow--in 4 days this plan has taken me all the way through the 50 chapters of Genesis!  I've decided that I'm not going to do an in-depth recap of each day, but wanted to do a little summary of what I've learned in Genesis.

Honestly, this is a very shocking book!  I don't think you totally grasp everything when spreading it out into a chapter a day as I've done before--but wow, the people in the early days were crazy!  On 3 seperate occasions you see men (Abraham twice, then Isaac) lying to the men of a new country and stating that their wives are sisters, and in this Abraham allowed Sarah to be "taken as a wife" by pharoah.  Yikes!  Then there is the craziness with Lot--first he basically offers his virgin daughters to be gang-raped instead of his male visitors, then his daughters get him drunk, sleep with him, and both become pregnant by their father (and these were the righteous people saved from Sodom & Gomorrah!).  There is all kinds of hand-maid-sharing by the barren women (Sarah, Rachel, and later Leah) to allow their husbands to have children.  Just some insane stuff.  Things that aren't even legal these days, and were done by them men who were chosen by God.  Then you have the trickery of Jacob to steal Esau's birthright & blessing, and his bargaining with God about whether he would worship Him.  It's honestly kind of mind-blowing to me!

There have been 3 major lessons that I feel like I've focused on in this book. 

1. God does not choose perfect people!  This is of course before the introduction of the Law and holiness codes, so I guess God did not ask much of His chosen people other than their faith in Him & obedience, but it is encouraging in some ways.  
2. God blesses obedience.  We see this most in the story of Abraham, but when God was establishing a covenant with him there were conditions "walk before me and be blameless (17:1), outward signs (cicumcision) and later testing of his faith (sacrificing Isaac).  In these situations Abraham immediately complies with God's instructions and does so with ultimate trust.  I feel like that is the issue with obedience.  We often disobey (God, parents, laws, etc...) because we feel that it is either not in our best interest, will not have the outcome that has been promised/warned against, or because we think we know better.  Abraham did not question God about circumcising all the men in his company--he just did it b/c he knew God had them do it for a reason.  He did not question God when told to sacrifice Isaac--he trusted that God would provide, whether that be an animal to sacrifice or to bring Isaac back from the dead.  That completely blows my mind--not just b/c he was asked to kill his child, but because Isaac was the son whom God had promised to multiply his descendants like the stars in the sky or sand by the sea!  I absolutely know that I would question that command and refuse to do it! (and I think it is significant that the Law had not yet been given which commands against killing, because then God would have been giving opposing instructions).
3. hmm...i forgot my third point...Oh yeah, God will accomplish his plan in HIS timing.  So many problems came about due to the people (*ahem, wives*) trying to make it "possible" for God to keep his promises.  Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob all had wives that were barren!  Yet the covenant with God was to multiply their descendents into a "multitude of nations."  So of course, being the logical wives that they were, Sarah & Rachel decided that the only way that this would be possible was to allow their husbands to sleep with other women.  wow.  (Rebekah was able to conceive twins after Isaac's intercession on her behalf)  Of course, there are always complications when we try to do things our way rather than God's and that is what happened!

I'm definitely enjoying doing this challenge--thanks so much to Sabrina for letting me know about it!  I think it's so much easier to remember facts and pick up on similarities when reading larger chunks at a time--especially in the Old Testament narrative (I may be stressed about missing content once we get to the epistles, we'll see!)  If you want to follow along, even if you wanted to cut each section in half and do it in 180 days, here is the reading plan.

the Bible in 90 days

Okay.  I'll be honest.  I've been inconsistent with my quiet times over the past month or so.  I feel like God is teaching me a LOT (which I will expand on soon) but I have been bad at daily devoting time to Him (though I never seem to have a problem checking the blogs/twitter/facebook.  where are my priorities?).

Well, my dear friend Sabrina has once again challenged me (well, really all her blog followers, but i always feel like she's just talking to me (; ) to read the WHOLE BIBLE  in 90 days.  Honestly, I'd been wanting to do one of the read the Bible in a year things for a while, but this is a lot faster!  However, there are so many things that I really want (and need) to refresh my mind on, and this time of total life overhaul is the perfect time for me!  So, I'm in.  and I'm extending the challenge/offer to you guys.  Here is the plan to follow.  Sabrina said it has taken her about 30-45 minutes/day so far.  Not sure how it will go for me, but since I'm going to have free days I'm all about it!  I'll be updating regularly with my progress.  Let me know if you're following along, and we can all keep each other accountable!

making progress

Guess what?  I sucked it up and went to church on my own tonight!  woohoo! 

I don't remember quite how real I've been over here about church stuff, but it has always been a hard issue for me. Not the whole church=the body of Christ, but dealing with issues within the local church.  I have been one to take more of the "church is just about having true fellowship, worship, and instruction with other believers" than connecting with a local body of Christ in the confines of a an actual church congregation.  I wrestle with this b/c it cannot be said that our culture's definition of church--you know, the greeting, sing a few songs, pray, hear a message, sing again and be dismissed routine--is exactly what was going on in Acts with the early church, and I have honestly always had better and more honest fellowship in Bible studies that were through parachurch organizations like Campus Crusade for Christ--at least since I've been out of high school. 

I was sporadic at best with my church attendance in college and honestly preferred to sleep on Sunday morning (honestly, I still do).  I was involved in about a million different aspects of college ministry and had true fellowship, Bible studies, and personal quiet times and sharing my faith, so what was the need? (I thought)

After hubs and I got married, we started regularly attending a very small church plant in town and I tried to get very involved there.  Relationships were formed, but honestly not as close as ones that I had from Crusade and independent Bible studies, and hubs never really got (or wanted to get) "plugged in" as we Christians like to say ;).  Then I got sick and everything went out the window.  Things were said or implied, feelings were hurt, hubs got turned off, and we were done.  For a long time (and still occasionally) my health was so bad on the weekends after working a full week that it was all I could do to get up by one in the afternoons on the weekends, and maybe get grocery shopping and laundry done.  And then we had a habit.  Sleep in, enjoy "off" time, get a few things done around the house, and get fellowship and instruction/accountability through Bible studies and meetings on my own.

We would occasionally very rarely go to my parents church and once my health issues became manageable we discussed finding a new "church home" but hubs was honestly not interested, and I didn't have the willpower or desire to go on my own. 

Then last May my last group of Bible study girls graduated and moved away, and suddenly I was without the consistent fellowship I had had for so long.  I kept up semi-weekly accountability meetings with a dear friend, but I missed the consistent connection with other believers.  A few times I went to my best friend's church and loved it--felt instantly like I could be (even already was) connected, but there was one tiny glitch of the church being over an hour away and in another state...Yeah, I follow their blog and listen to the podcasts, but the fellowship is not there. I have also tended to pretend that online connections with blog friends and the like can substitute...but nope. 

So tonight, after months of saying that I was going to, I stopped the excuses, decided that laundry and groceries can and should wait, and went to a church that I had been invited to by a few friends on different occasions.  Had a mini-panic...couldn't find the right place at first (found the office, not where they meet) and honeslty thought about backing out.  But I went and it was so good.  There are at least 6 people/couples that I kind of know, and the teaching and worship were really good.  Big bonus--the church meets at 5:30 on Sunday evenings, so no oversleeping worries here!  lol ;)  I have only been once so of course don't know for sure if this will be "my home church" but it is a start. 

Some of you know details of this, and I won't go into it for his privacy, but hubs is still very hurt and somewhat jaded about "the church"in general.  Please pray for that.  I can't do anything to change his mind, and honestly any more discussion will not help, but please just pray for him to have a desire for this.  And for me to get over the stigma I place on being a married woman who is trying to walk with the Lord yet going to church alone.  That is hard pill for me to swallow, but it's time to take a big gulp and be done with it. 

Here's to a step in the right direction! (and keep me accountable to keep walking...)

I've been in an odd place lately.  Pensive and at the same time feeling like my thoughts are very shallow.  It is interesting where life takes you.  I stumbled upon a saved im conversation that I had with an old friend several years back who had asked me what I felt that my calling in life was.  My reply?

"Motherhood & ministry.  I'm 100% sure"

Hmmm...Here I am at a time in my life where both would be possible.  For the first time in 7 years I am not actively involved in any ministry, and we are not yet ready for kids.  To be honest, the thought of having a child absolutely terrifies me!!  It just feels weird.  Am I out of line with God's will for my life or is he just taking me a different route to get there?

I'm also struggling in my times with the Lord once again.  I just am having a hard time getting into it.  I guess it's like any relationship...I mean, w/hubs some of our date nights or times together are really awesome and we're emotionally connected, but sometimes we're just doing it b/c it is what our marriage needs. 

Once again, I'm struggling with my weight a LOT.  I just don't know how to make the lifestyle changes that I need to do and all my health conditions are making it very difficult to maintian any type of exercise routine.  I'm eating more fruits and veggies, that is one of my main goals, and trying to keep the baked stuff out of the house, but it's just hard for me.  Baking is my outlet.  I don't feel like I can do any kind of deprivation diet b/c then I just give up, but right now I'm giving up no matter what I do.  I feel like it's silly to ask, but will you pray for me in this?  I have got to get it under control. 

I feel like a broken record.  It seems like it's always the same things that I'm dealing with and that makes me feel like I have no willpower or ability to make progress.  Boo. 

Ten in 10 update

I realized I haven't posted about the Ten in 10 challenge in a while so I wanted to give an update on that...though I think it's almost over?? I'm not good at counting weeks..

Well, basically I have not done too great. I feel that I was struck by some amazing miracle at the end of last week and my stomach just was not so hungry! I was shocked! I got full really easily and made mostly good choices. I weighed in yesterday and was back to a few ounces within the lowest that I was this year after a bit of a setback while I was sick, so I was pleased to see that!

However, I did not exercise AT ALL last week due to...being sick again! (what else?) Sinus infection this time. And we ate horribly all weekend. Seriously, had some kind of take-out every single night of the weekend. So I've got to get back into the good eating habits. I feel like I'm just on a seesaw--I don't care at all and blow everything and then I get really worried about it and do well for a few days. blah. I don't really know how to break out of this? Any good suggestions? I am just not the willpower queen. And I don't want to give up my baking!

Thankfully, my feet have been feeling much better lately, so at least exercising is an option again!

I guess that's it for now. Wish me luck at doing better!

Ten in 10, one week down!

So I finished my first week of the Ten in 10 challenge, hosted by the super-fab recipegirl and I am feeling really excited and motivated about my progress so far!

-I've lost 3 pounds this week! woohoo!! I have been tracking my food on Sparkpeople and after resetting my program from last year I am focusing on staying in my calorie range each day. I've used the calorie stuff to figure out lunch or dinner options before actually eating them so I can be prepared in advance.

-I have consistently eaten fresh fruits and veggies, and made them a large part of my meals

-I have completed a workout with my new Bender Ball (super exicted to find it at Target a few weeks ago!) and am feeling it in my "abs" (or "flabs" in its current state). I am still very limited on what I can do in the area of exercise due to my acute plantar fasciitis and fibromyalgia pain. I saw my doctor yesterday and he gave me a prescription to take to a local gym stating that I cannot do any cardio other than swimming--hopefully this will help me get some kind of discount on a membership! Also in that area, yesterday he gave me a cortisone shot in my foot to help with the pain and...well, i'm not a needle-phobe by any means. shots and having my blood drawn are no big deal...but this was EXCRUCIATING!! It was this 2 inch needle and he had to insert the entire length of it into my heel. Then hold it in there and push really hard while it injected this steroid gel into my poor little feetsees. I am still in pain from that. Hopefully it will help, but dang, I better see some results or I am not trying that again!

-I have withstood some major temptations! I got a turkey sandwich when we all ordered from Steak & Shake on a snowy day this week; I did not give in to the GIANT box of baked goods placed on my desk from a drug rep; and I gave away a tiramisu, cheesecake, and some muffins that I made this week.

My major goals for the rest of the challenge (and year for that matter....) are to keep up with making healthful choices and to make those the "norm" for me rather than the exception. I also want to find a way to excercise that works with my health conditions.

Every bit of progress gives me motivation for the future. This cold snowy weather is especially hard for me b/c I want to cuddle up and be lazy and eat warm creamy things, but I have done well so far. Seeing pounds come off helps me know it is possible, and it is also good for me to focus on the times when I feel most uncomfortable in my body to remind myself why I want to do this.

Gettin' thin in 2010!!

Okay, so I have been lazy. I have not exercised. I have not eaten well. I have sat on my butt, read blogs & magazines, watched TV, and eaten junk (and baked junk). I have gained nearly 20 pounds this year. And that hurts my little heart (literally and figuratively!).

I cannot continue like this anymore. I am uncomfortable in my own body. My medical conditions are getting worse, and my self esteem has bottomed out.

And I CAN do something about this. I have to be committed. I have to track what I put into my body. I have to slowly but surely work up my exercise tolerance again, and figure out what I can do and stay consistent with.

Some things to remember:
-When I lost weight before, my health improved
-The gratification of feeling good about myself and my choices is better than the instant gratification of that cookie or pie
-I truly feel proud of myself when I make a good choice about my food
-I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
-I do the grocery shopping, so I control what comes into this house
-I do the cooking, so I control whether we have a healthy dinner or whether I pick up fast food
-I want to be able to have kids and be a healthy mom someday

Sometimes I feel like I only have so much willpower to overcome my compulsive tendencies. I can either eat well and shop compulsively, or I can resist the urge to shop and let out my tension with food. It doesn't have to be an either-or situation. I have to work on both of these issues this year, and get them under control for the rest of my life. It is about allowing other things to rule me and that is not okay. I also have to find a balance with my baking and eating! Having people order things is really helpful b/c I can get out the urge to bake without actually eating what I make. If I make something for my baking groups, I have to make smaller portions or take it all to work.

Well, here's to a fresh start! I'm ready for change!