making progress

Guess what?  I sucked it up and went to church on my own tonight!  woohoo! 

I don't remember quite how real I've been over here about church stuff, but it has always been a hard issue for me. Not the whole church=the body of Christ, but dealing with issues within the local church.  I have been one to take more of the "church is just about having true fellowship, worship, and instruction with other believers" than connecting with a local body of Christ in the confines of a an actual church congregation.  I wrestle with this b/c it cannot be said that our culture's definition of church--you know, the greeting, sing a few songs, pray, hear a message, sing again and be dismissed routine--is exactly what was going on in Acts with the early church, and I have honestly always had better and more honest fellowship in Bible studies that were through parachurch organizations like Campus Crusade for Christ--at least since I've been out of high school. 

I was sporadic at best with my church attendance in college and honestly preferred to sleep on Sunday morning (honestly, I still do).  I was involved in about a million different aspects of college ministry and had true fellowship, Bible studies, and personal quiet times and sharing my faith, so what was the need? (I thought)

After hubs and I got married, we started regularly attending a very small church plant in town and I tried to get very involved there.  Relationships were formed, but honestly not as close as ones that I had from Crusade and independent Bible studies, and hubs never really got (or wanted to get) "plugged in" as we Christians like to say ;).  Then I got sick and everything went out the window.  Things were said or implied, feelings were hurt, hubs got turned off, and we were done.  For a long time (and still occasionally) my health was so bad on the weekends after working a full week that it was all I could do to get up by one in the afternoons on the weekends, and maybe get grocery shopping and laundry done.  And then we had a habit.  Sleep in, enjoy "off" time, get a few things done around the house, and get fellowship and instruction/accountability through Bible studies and meetings on my own.

We would occasionally very rarely go to my parents church and once my health issues became manageable we discussed finding a new "church home" but hubs was honestly not interested, and I didn't have the willpower or desire to go on my own. 

Then last May my last group of Bible study girls graduated and moved away, and suddenly I was without the consistent fellowship I had had for so long.  I kept up semi-weekly accountability meetings with a dear friend, but I missed the consistent connection with other believers.  A few times I went to my best friend's church and loved it--felt instantly like I could be (even already was) connected, but there was one tiny glitch of the church being over an hour away and in another state...Yeah, I follow their blog and listen to the podcasts, but the fellowship is not there. I have also tended to pretend that online connections with blog friends and the like can substitute...but nope. 

So tonight, after months of saying that I was going to, I stopped the excuses, decided that laundry and groceries can and should wait, and went to a church that I had been invited to by a few friends on different occasions.  Had a mini-panic...couldn't find the right place at first (found the office, not where they meet) and honeslty thought about backing out.  But I went and it was so good.  There are at least 6 people/couples that I kind of know, and the teaching and worship were really good.  Big bonus--the church meets at 5:30 on Sunday evenings, so no oversleeping worries here!  lol ;)  I have only been once so of course don't know for sure if this will be "my home church" but it is a start. 

Some of you know details of this, and I won't go into it for his privacy, but hubs is still very hurt and somewhat jaded about "the church"in general.  Please pray for that.  I can't do anything to change his mind, and honestly any more discussion will not help, but please just pray for him to have a desire for this.  And for me to get over the stigma I place on being a married woman who is trying to walk with the Lord yet going to church alone.  That is hard pill for me to swallow, but it's time to take a big gulp and be done with it. 

Here's to a step in the right direction! (and keep me accountable to keep walking...)