Trust and Obey

**disclaimer--please do not feel that this post is intended to guilt you into giving to my ministry.  I just need to work some of this out for myself and share what God is teaching me**

Tonight I lay in bed for over an hour.  Mentally calculating the things I need to do tomorrow and focusing on the fact that I have not been obedient to the Lord.  And as I lay there and prayed for the Lord to clear my mind and help me sleep, I got these horrible pains in my legs & hips, and also got the hymn "Trust & Obey" stuck in my head.  I wrestled with it for about 30-45 minutes and the song just got louder and the pain just got worse until I realized, I am supposed to do this NOW.  No more putting it off. Do you ever have a time when God is clearly impressing on your heart something that you are supposed to be doing, yet you fight it with all your might?  As I have been growing in the Lord over the past several months of ministry with Campus Crusade for Christ, I have been struggling with those things.

One of the primary areas in which I am struggling is the area of raising financial support in order to do vocational ministry.  It shouldn't be such a scary issue for me.  The monthly amount I need to raise is not large and I have been raised by parents whom God has consistently provided financially for in this way for over 30 years!  I know that God will provide--that has never been a question in my mind.  But I really struggle with guilt.  I gave up my job to do this in an economy where people are struggling to make ends meet--I had to leave that job due to health reasons, but I potentially could have found a "traditional" job to provide a steady income.  Yet that is not what God has called me to do.  He clearly provided a need and an opportunity--in the past three years, Global Service Network was founded which has allowed me the freedom to partner with Campus Crusade for Christ on a part-time basis, and to serve immediately on campus without having to raise all my financial support in advance.  This would not have been possible for me to do when Patrick & I first got married!!  At the same time, the need for women staff members on WKU's campus is dire!  Even with my part-time responsibilities, a need is being met for which God chose me.  There is no question in my heart that this is what I am supposed to be doing so why do I doubt the means by which I have to go about making it my "job"? 

I guess because this is not the convential way people do things.  I mean, it's fairly regular for students to raise money for a mission trip--but when it comes to living that way...it's just not what you see all the time.  And I have seen some very negative attitudes towards this lifestyle in friends and former co-workers.  Basically the viewpoint that doing this is lazy--not much better than welfare.  And those types of attitudes & comments have really cut to my heart.  There is no question about it--God has blessed Patrick & me financially.  We have sought to be good stewards of our money, but He has done things that no one can, so I feel guilt about that, and just about asking. 

But as I've been praying for the Lord to give me peace about this I've seen Biblical and cultural examples of this type of lifestyle-though many people aren't aware of them.  I realized (weirdly for the first time that I really grasped it) that a large part of tithes in a church that pays it's pastors go to those pastor's salaries...they are given as offerings from the church members for the Lord to provide for the ministers.  People take up money for causes all the time--fundraisers for schools, illnesses, endangered animals, health issues--and people gladly give to support something that they believe in.  And of course the apostle Paul took up financial gifts for his missionary journeys (mentioned throughout the letters but esp. II Cor. 9) and when Jesus sends out the seventy laborers in Luke 10 He instructs them to take what is given--depending on others with the affirmation that "the laborer is worthy of his wages (Luke 10:7).  I'm just praying to hold fast to these truths and trust the Lord to provide. 

Please pray for this ministry and for the Lord to continue growing and stretching my faith!  God is doing AMAZING things right now--the girls in my group are growing by leaps and bounds!  I have seen unity & vulnerability in this group come about within a matter of weeks and it is clearly something that only the Lord can do--and they are pouring out of the overflow of their hearts--serving in churches, in Crusade, and with the students in their classes.  But with growth comes growing pains!  We have dealt with some intense spiritual battle, brokenness over sin and where we need to be as opposed to where we are.  We are stretched and pulled as we ultimately seek to learn what it truly means to Abide in Christ--to yield our lives to Him, trust His leading and plan, and wait on His timing because He promises to work.  We have a women's panel this Friday night with several godly women in different stages of life prepared to answer questions about walking with the Lord--please pray that several students will show up--specifically freshman and ladies who are young or struggling in their faith.  Pray that God will move as we discuss what it means to be a woman of God!

And as I finish writing this and a few letters, the pain in my legs is subsiding...Trust & Obey!