I know I've been silent over here for the past several weeks...it's been a time of much thought, prayer, and discussion with hubs about plans for our future and the next coming months and years.  hope to update in more detail soon, but in the meantime i just wanted to put in a quick post.  please pray for us! thanks for your support and encouragement :)

my little heart (and eyes...and nose) are very full tonight.  i am overwhelmed.  i am uncertain.  most of all, i am drained...  this winter has been very difficult for me when it comes to my health, and i just don't know how much longer i can go on the way that i have been.  i need prayer please!  i won't go into everything here on this public blog, but i am going to write a few of my dear friends with details and if you would like to be included just comment with your email--i consider all of my readers here that i am aware of to be dear friends...i just never know who may wander over here from my profile...  just please pray for me and hubs to have wisdom as to what we need to do for me to be able to go on and to thrive again. 

humbling...

If you have not yet, read my previous post, then come back here.

What can I say but that God knows how to speak to us? I went to read my devotionals tonight with a heavy heart and weary. The Classic Christian Writings book had an entry for February 29th which I was about to skip over, but decided to read anyway (the completest in me...) I'll just reproduce the whole thing b/c it is so clearly where I am:

Tears of Love
Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?"
John 11:35-37

"Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus to show us that it was no sin to shed a tear of love and resignation at the grave of a deceased friend. He wept to see what havoc sin had made in the world and how it had reduced man--by making him subject to death--to a level with the beasts that perish.
Above all, He wept at the foreknowledge of the people's unbelief. He wept to think how many then present would not only not believe on Him but would be hardened and have their prejudices increased more and more against Him, though He should raise Lazarus from teh dead before their eyes.
For then the bystanders said, "Behold, how He loved him." But all were not well affected at seeing Jesus weep! For we are told that some of them said, "Could not this man, who opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man should not have died?" One would imagine that Satan himself could scarce have uttered a more perverse speech. "Is not this a sufficient proof that He is a cheat? Is it likely that He really helped others when He could not help His own friend?"
How patient ought the servants of our Lord to be! And how may they expect to be censured and have their good deeds questioned! "

~George Whitfield

That was my attitude tonight, and how appropriate for me to read this!

As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God for I SHALL YET PRAISE HIM, the help of my countenance, and my God.
Psalm 42

Lord, thank you for this reminder of how You care, and how I need to trust YOUR PLAN.

need to vent

Today was just not a fun day. I was just agitated and frustrated and bordering on angry all day. Frustrated with busy-ness at work and things getting messed up. Agitated with incompetent insurance representatives that I literally had to walk through how to do THEIR JOB and they still got it wrong. Annoyed with people--someone literally argued with me that they were preparing taxes for 2008!! Busy. Hot. Tired. Cranky. Did not sleep well last night. Do you ever just have one of those days? This was one of mine. I'm not feeling very gracious towards others.

Lynne passed away. Remember how I asked you to pray for a miracle? Well, it didn't happen. I guess there is a "miracle" in that other lives will be saved due to the donation of her organs, but not the miracle that I wanted. And I really truly believed that God would provide that miracle. I think that's what is so hard. And I don't know why I'm having such a hard time with this--I don't get it! It's not like I lost a family member or close friend, or even an acquaintance...I NEVER EVEN MET HER!! So why is affecting me so much? I have shed a lot more tears over her situation than you would think--I cried today in the middle of TJ MAXX talking to my mom about it. I guess part of it is because of their closeness to my family. My dad was with them every step of the way...right down to when they decided to turn off the life support. My mom is hurting. Her heart is breaking... it's just such a shocking thing to happen. My mom had this same type of procedure a few years ago as did some of their friends. No one expected it or was prepared. And I really wanted God to heal her. I hurt for her husband and her children who are now without her. It just doesn't make sense. And I know that's life, but nobody said we have to like it right? Just pray for the Breen family.