on faith

Read this in my QT last night and thought it went so well w/everything I wrote about in my last post...

"Christianity is lived more in the valley than on the mountaintop, faith is never doubt-free, and although God has revealed Himself in creation and in history, the surest way to know God is, in the words of Thomas Aquinas, as tamquam ignotum, as utterly unknowable. No thought can contain Him, no word can express Him; He is beyond anything we can intellectualize or imagine."
Abba's Child, Brennan Manning, p. 98

I really feel that God has provided us with enough historical support to validate the basis of our faith, but it is still just that...faith. I struggle with this some still b/c I want to see the PROOF and some things just cannot be scientifically or historically proven! Faith in essence is scary because we are trusting something that we cannot ever know for sure. And it's too bad that we fail to discuss this and allow for the reality that we will have times of doubt and questioning and wondering. But like any other relationship, if you are not learning new things--often scary things--and growing in intimacy--which in essence requires a leap of faith, your relationship with the Lord is not really a relationship. It becomes stagnant.

But every time that we step out in faith God is there to catch us. Talking to a dear friend tonight I was reminded of that. When we decide to trust God with whatever is going on He is always there--maybe not how we pictured, but He is there.

Right now I'm trying to trust Him with my health and its implications for the future. I already know that my future is not going to look the way I had planned, and I grapple with that every day. I honestly feel like something is wrong with me b/c I'm not desperately desiring what I had planned for (specifically having children in the immediate future) but I have to see that as God's provision. He is guarding my heart and mind for whatever He has planned in His timing.