Ten in 10 update

I realized I haven't posted about the Ten in 10 challenge in a while so I wanted to give an update on that...though I think it's almost over?? I'm not good at counting weeks..

Well, basically I have not done too great. I feel that I was struck by some amazing miracle at the end of last week and my stomach just was not so hungry! I was shocked! I got full really easily and made mostly good choices. I weighed in yesterday and was back to a few ounces within the lowest that I was this year after a bit of a setback while I was sick, so I was pleased to see that!

However, I did not exercise AT ALL last week due to...being sick again! (what else?) Sinus infection this time. And we ate horribly all weekend. Seriously, had some kind of take-out every single night of the weekend. So I've got to get back into the good eating habits. I feel like I'm just on a seesaw--I don't care at all and blow everything and then I get really worried about it and do well for a few days. blah. I don't really know how to break out of this? Any good suggestions? I am just not the willpower queen. And I don't want to give up my baking!

Thankfully, my feet have been feeling much better lately, so at least exercising is an option again!

I guess that's it for now. Wish me luck at doing better!

FamilyLife.com--the bitter poison

Read this article from family life this evening and wanted to share it. I think we all probably struggle with this in some ways in our marriages. Regardless of how our spouses hurt or disappoint us, nothing good comes from keeping a "bank account" of ways our spouse has wronged us--you don't earn interest towards a better marriage with that!

Loved this last paragraph especially:

• "worry about changing yourself, not your husband. You cannot change your spouse—only God can. But what you can do is allow God to change your heart. If you have a log of bitterness in your own eye, how can you take the speck out of your husband's eye? (Matthew 7:3). You, too, have made choices in this relationship that have hurt your husband and need to be mended. Even though your husband's sin goes unresolved for now, he will answer for them one day before God (Matthew 10:26). In the same way, God will hold you responsible for the bitterness in your heart."

This is one of the biggest issues for me. I tend to think I am perfect--that whole pride thing coming into play again--and that is just not the case. When I find myself being especially discontent or bitter towards hubs I try to make a list of things that I love about him and really focus on those. Thank God for the things your husband IS, not what he isn't. (because...guess what? He may have his own needs or desires that you are not living up to!)

Hope you read and enjoy this article!

Archive - FamilyLife.com

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prayer request

I just wanted to ask for your prayers for a family that we are connected to. Lynne (whose husband is a local attorney, one of Patrick's clients and one of my dad's good friends) went in for a routine surgical procedure this morning and her heart stopped due to an preexisting condition that they were unaware of. When they revived her heart apparently some air escaped to her brain causing an air embolism. She has been having seizures and is in a coma and unresponsive. Things don't look good at all. We are all pretty shaken by this--the couple are friends of my parents and their son is one of my brother's best friends. I am pretty much the only one in my family without a personal connection to them. Everything has just happened so quickly and without a complete miracle she will not survive. Please pray for a miracle for her to be okay if it is God's will, and for her family and those close to her as they deal with this, no matter the outcome. Her husband is also a fairly young believer so pray for his faith to be strengthened, not shaken throughout this situation.

Events like this put everything else in perspective.

on faith

Read this in my QT last night and thought it went so well w/everything I wrote about in my last post...

"Christianity is lived more in the valley than on the mountaintop, faith is never doubt-free, and although God has revealed Himself in creation and in history, the surest way to know God is, in the words of Thomas Aquinas, as tamquam ignotum, as utterly unknowable. No thought can contain Him, no word can express Him; He is beyond anything we can intellectualize or imagine."
Abba's Child, Brennan Manning, p. 98

I really feel that God has provided us with enough historical support to validate the basis of our faith, but it is still just that...faith. I struggle with this some still b/c I want to see the PROOF and some things just cannot be scientifically or historically proven! Faith in essence is scary because we are trusting something that we cannot ever know for sure. And it's too bad that we fail to discuss this and allow for the reality that we will have times of doubt and questioning and wondering. But like any other relationship, if you are not learning new things--often scary things--and growing in intimacy--which in essence requires a leap of faith, your relationship with the Lord is not really a relationship. It becomes stagnant.

But every time that we step out in faith God is there to catch us. Talking to a dear friend tonight I was reminded of that. When we decide to trust God with whatever is going on He is always there--maybe not how we pictured, but He is there.

Right now I'm trying to trust Him with my health and its implications for the future. I already know that my future is not going to look the way I had planned, and I grapple with that every day. I honestly feel like something is wrong with me b/c I'm not desperately desiring what I had planned for (specifically having children in the immediate future) but I have to see that as God's provision. He is guarding my heart and mind for whatever He has planned in His timing.

When I came undone

Sorry that I have not been posting as regularly here--I am still keeping up w/studying the word everyday, but have wanted to post about this and just have not yet gotten to the point where I was ready, or I couldn't find what I needed. This is a big post for me...I want to share about one of the most spiritually difficult times in my life but I want to do it right with a focus on God's provision and comfort. I'll try to keep this clear though my mind is always running in circles.

As a bit of a setup, I feel like God has been bringing all of this to the forefront of my mind and heart--the topics being common in scripture that I've been reading as well as the two books I have been going through in my devotionals. We'll kick it off with my purpose in sharing this, which I found so clearly stated in my quiet time tonight from Ruth Graham's "Fear Not Tomorrow, God is Already There"

"Our willingness to come undone, to trust God with our pain, to let Him in, to receive His comfort, and to allow Him to walk us out of our brokenness will always make a difference in the lives of other people, whether it be those watching our lives or those whom we will encourage later" (p. 67)

My junior year of college I was at the height of my pridefulness (well, I'm not doubting that I have the ability in my nature to get there again...). I was leading an amazing Bible study of young women who were eagerly seeking the Lord (something I took way too much credit for), I was getting wonderful grades in my religious studies and philosophy classes (so I naturally thought I was something pretty special, understanding the mysteries of God and mankind and all that...), I had recently completed a 6 week mission trip in Russia, and I was sharing my faith with others around me. I had spent the fall semester half-heartedly praying for humilty, but not really taking it seriously. As I looked over my prayer journal from that time I found many entries where I was praying for repentance in my friend's lives, but glossing over my sins that I was struggling with. But I will admit, everything looked really good on the outside!

My religious studies classes had been hard in some ways in the past--when you take something as personal and significant as your faith and decide to pick it apart and examine it from a secular perspective, it is naturally something that shakes you a little. This semester was different. I don't remember exactly what classes I had now, but in addition to some very critical religious studies classes (Old Testament with a professor who was focused on showing that things were wrong was one of them), I was immersed in philosophy classes with militant atheists. I vividly remember classes full of guys who would praise certain philosophers purely because "they hate Christians." It was the first time in my life when I really felt persectuted--not to my face b/c I was so quiet and intimidated, but being in the Bible belt, I just didn't hear that very much. It began to wear on my very quickly.

Here is where my head was, taken straight from my prayer journal at the time, it's long, sometimes repetitive, but brutally honest (I left out some of my more personal things, as well as the people I was praying for...ironically, I lifted up the same people in almost every entry, even when I was blatantly questioning):

• January 10, 2005 "Thank you for allowing me to get through the first day of classes and Bible study. I really feel like I can do this (Maybe foolishly-but you have given me the strength and discipline to accomplish this)...Help me not to become prideful in any way but to really look to you for guidance with the girls"
• January 23 "Father, I am still feeling so apathetic, I just need you to show me what I am focusing on that is drawing my attention away from You. I feel like I honestly d on't really care about anything right now"
• January 26, "I just feel so discouraged...I know that my pride is a sin & now I am questioning my motives and my actions and everything...Help me overcome my pride and unteachability and know-it-all-ness"
• January 29 "Give me humility and help me to be teachable"
• February 2 "I just cannot do this (notice the contrast f/m Jan 10?) I am so absolutely exhausted. Please just refresh me....I so badly want to serve you and follow you ,but I cannot continue like this"
• February 6 "Right now I just need Your power. I feel like you are just showing me all my weakness this semester to make me rely on You...Please just take over. Make Your power overcome me because I cannot do it. I cannot survive this semester, much less thrive without you working amazingly. Help me surrender to you. Fill me with Your power and work through me in Bible study. Renew my passion for ministry and for You and despite my strenthlessness, please allow me to be an effective servant"
• February 7 "I feel your peace more today. Thank you. Please help me grab hold of this peace and not feel that I must be stressed. Please continue towork in me and all that is going on. Fulfill the discipline that You have placed in my life so I can be a good steward of Your time. Fill me with Your power and glorfiy Your name...Please work through me still and allow me to have an effective ministry for your glory"
• February 9 "Thank you for such a better day today. You have brought joy to my soul again and have released a burden. Please continue to work--continue to break me and teach me to rely on you."
• February 13 "...Continue to teach me how to grow in you and humble me and help me rely on You completely.
• February 21 "I am just struggling right now. I feel spiritual turmoil from my classes and frustration in ministry. Please renew my zeal for you and work through me despite my attitude."
• February 22 "Please just show your power and reassure me. These classes are taking a toll and I don't feel like I am in a position to lead anyone when I am struggling like this. Please renew my desire for you & help me stop questioning. Help me continue to speak the truth and lead in a way that will glorify You, even if I don't feel it.
• February 27 "Father, I just feel drained. I have lost all desire for anything. I don't feel like doing ministry, studying for school, spending time with you or anyone at all. All I want to do right now is wallow in my misery. I need you to rescue me from this--I get what you are doing, you are humbling and breaking me--but am I supposed to be broken to the point of doubting You? I don't know how to get past these feelings. I keep hearing what the guy in Metaphysics said--'isn't it worthless spending your whole life striving for a perfection that can never be reached?' I feel frustrated with that...I am tired of striving and it is so hard to have my faith bltantantly attacked in 3 of my classes. I don't feel fit to lead. I don't feel sure of anything anymore. I need You to unleash that "Spirit of power and self discipline" that you say I have because I do not feel it. God, I'm just so discouraged. I cann't go on like this. I feel like nothing I'm doing is fruitful and I just see people being turned away. I'm questioning my actions and what you say in your word. Please just work and work through me despite all of this to minister to my girls."
• February 28 " Thank you for getting me through one more day. Give me the discipline to make it through this week and complete everything"
• March 1 "Thank you again for a better day and for helping me concentrate to study. Please be w/my diligence the rest of the week and help me to focus on what I need to get done, but not lose you in the process"
• March 2 "I feel really torn--a duality of throught. I am teaching and practicing one thing, but my mind is thinking the opposite. I have become distracted from you plan by these "scholarly works" and am so confused...I feel that the root is me doubint your power. I don't see you as powerful as you are. I don't see you able to work in these people's lives, but I cannot deny what you have done in me and it is so hard to keep being attacked and to hear so much of people turning away from you. Please show yourself ot me more and clearly and help me survive these next few weeks"
• March 16 "I'm falling apart and so is everything else. Please forgive me for not being consistent in my times with you. I'm so worthless without you working through me. Please give me the strengthe and the discipline to get evertyhing done, and the desire to not give up. Help me to stand form when my classes are so discouraging and I hust have so many questions and no one to help me find the answers. I feel like your word is so confusing and all the books I read are biased--what is true?...Give me boldness in you and confidence in your power rather than fear in what they will think"
• March 25 "Father, I just need to be broken of my analytical attitude. I feel like this has taken hold of me this week and it's very painful. Being with my family I just feel so far from you. It is shoved in to my face and I don't like it. I want to be close to you again...Draw me close to you again and help me to overcome this attitude of criticism."

And that's it. I did not write (or have time with the Lord) again until my next entry on June 20. Nearly 3 months. Mind you, I did still lead Bible study and discipleship during this time, but if anything was done in those girls' lives through that study, it was purely God working in spite of me b/c my heart was not in it. I felt like a complete hypocrite b/c I questioned every bit of what I was teaching. Another very significant issue during this time was that I did not share my struggle with others. In pride, I felt that I could not share my questions and doubts because people looked to me as a leader. I did not have confidence that God was more powerful than me! I honestly and truly thought that if I told anyone else what concerned me that they would turn away from their faith, and even if I wasn't sure if I believed it, I didn't want to hurt anyone else's walk with God.

One afternoon I finally broke down. I opened my Bible for the first time in months--just randomly--and it fell open to Psalm 42:

As the Deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for Thee, O God.
My soul thrists for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, While they say to me all day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember, and I pour out my soul with in me. For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God; With the voice of joy and thanksgiving and a multitude keeping festival.
Whay are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.
O my God, my soul is in despair within me...
Deep calls to deep at the sound of Thy waterfalls;
All Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me.
The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; And his song will be with me in the night, A prayer to the God of my life.
I will say to God my rock, "Why hast Though forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, While they say to me all day long, "Where is your God?"
Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become distrubed within me? Hope in God for I SHALL YET PRAISE HIM, the help of my countenance, and my God.

Here is part of my journal entry from that day and a few days later:

• June 20, 2005 "Father-I've never felt spiritual turmoil and despair like I feel right now. I feel so far from you and I feel like I will never be close again. I feel so lonely and week. I just can't beleive that I could have fallen to this point, and yet I'm still prideful. I've willfully sinned and have belittled the importance of my relationship with you. Please forgive me! I cannot keep attempting to survive without leaning on you. In all of this I still know that you are working and that you have orchestrated this for a reason, and that you aren't going to stop until the job is done. I trust you with this no matter how hard it is, I know you are not giong to forsake me. Renew my passion fo ryou and your word. Continue to break me of my analytical tendencies and show me that I have a lot to learn."
• June 22 "Thank you that I can come to you 'Just as I am' in all of my pride or brokenness or sin--no matter what you always accept and forgive me. Please help me live a life of obedience to you, and for that to be my goal above knowledge. Remind me constantly that knowledge does not save or sanctify--my relationship with you must come first."
• June 23 "Thank you for reminding me that it was the initial desire for knowledge above desiring to know you that brought sin into the world, and for showin gme the necessity of humility in order to have a real relationship with you. I praise you so much for how you are working in this aspect of my life and I ask that you continue!"

The next semester God did more in my life and through the ministry I was involved in than ever before. I truly learned about vulnerability--something which I had never really taken part in before. I would keep my sins a secret and not share my struggles, but that changed, and with it I learned what it was like to have true fellowship. Now I sometimes get teased for over-sharing (which I may be doing in this post) but I feel like if God, through his grace, has brought me through something difficult, it cannot bring glory to him unless I in turn share it with others.

Almost exactly a year before my breakdown, a dear friend who is now fulfilling his calling as a pastor gave me some wise advice which I have tried to apply ever since "Live in your faith and visit your doubts rather than living in your doubts and visiting your faith." That semester I definitely lived (or rather, wallowed) in my doubts and occasionally visited my faith. I still struggle with consistency, and sometimes those doubts rear their ugly heads, but I cannot fail to see what God has done. Throughout the time when I was questioning, God was still working even when I refused to see it. I think that is what we struggle with so often b/c our little human minds can only focus on what is in front of us.

I don't know exactly why I felt so compelled to put this out in the blogiverse, but with reading that scripture and the similar situations in Ruth Graham's book I couldn't not share. I hope that this brings encouragement to those who read it, and know that whatever breaks you, God will bring you through it and provide comfort on the other side.

In closing, here is one of the praise songs that God really used to draw me closer to him during that time. I also LOVE "I will yet praise you" (psalm 42) by Y worship, but could not find a link to the song.

"9 o'clock club", day 6

I realized another reason why nighttime just may be better for me to do this (on the weekends that is..) I really like to blog after my quiet times. I have always been kind of a "planner" when reading the Bible (which can be a problem) but I feel like I tune in to it more when I am planning to teach Bible studies or things like that. Since I am no longer leading study groups, I want to blog about it afterwords when everything is fresh on my mind--kinda like a spiritual journal/online Bible study. Well, I cannot do all the reading and praying that I want to and still blog all before going to work, so I think I will stick to nighttimes except on the weekends.

Tonight I read Psalm 40 and then a section in Ruth Graham's book from the chapter "Know His Comfort"--specifically talking about "coming undone" (which I will talk about more in 2 days with Psalm 42 and give you my personal story of being broken) and also of letting down our walls--the walls that we often erect in order to protect ourselves from feeling pain. She details the death of her mother (Billy Graham's wife) and, as my granny passed away over the summer, the whole process felt very fresh to me and brought me to tears. I was already missing her tonight...I read a story in a magazine about a young girl who did not make the time for her grandmother and then her grandmother passed away and how she regretted it. Something about that story made me remember the feeling of being in Granny's lap and feeling her cheek against mine--she had such soft skin but with a texture almost like crepe paper. I never want to forget that feeling. My granny left quite a legacy. She was very poor--married to an alcoholic (literally, the town drunk), lived off of welfare, never learned how to drive, just a hard hard life. When my "Pappy" passed away in the early 1990s it's like her life began again. She moved into a retirement home where she was the head of the "widowed persons" group--made so many friends (and they all lived together so she didn't have to worry about being isolated b/c she couldn't drive!). My dad always talked about how she persevered through the hard times and how God was rewarding her later in life. She loved the Lord so much. While she lived with my parents in her last months, my dad would read scriptures to her everynight. She raised a man with a passion for God and literally thousands of people have been reached for Christ through them. I try not to get upset or dwell on painful things too often, but Ruth Graham's book was talking about the necessity of "leaning into the pain", feeling it and knowing that God is there and will bring comfort to us. She also talks about how we try to put walls up to "protect" ourselves from this process that is God-given and often part of His plan to bring us closer to Him: "the more we work at holding ourselves together without turning to God, the higher we build up our walls. In the process we not only wall ourselves in, but we wall God out." (p. 60). I do this way too much and just wanted to share that. Going hand in hand with this, Psalm 40: 1-3:

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. he set my feet on a rock and gave me afirm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

I believe that this is so true in my Granny's life and I pray that it will be true in mine as well. May I always lean on Him and trust Him and not try to get through it all on my own strength (which we all know is non-existent!)

Are there things in your life that you are trying to wall God out of? How about a person who has been an example of this scripture passage?

*sorry if this isn't the best phrasing/wording...I'm kinda in a rush to type it all before going to sleep

5 o'clock club: advice please!

Okay, I am struggling here. I am very clearly in the midst of a flare up with my CFS/fibro/broken body, but I don't know what to do about this challenge. I got up early yesterday, did my devotions but could barely keep my eyes open and therefore did not really remember anything that I studied, and promptly got back in bed and slept till one. Today was worse. I got up at six, feeling horrible. Came out and read my bible and a few devotions, again exhausted, barely kept my eyes open and did not comprehend anything that I read. I took my shower and started to get ready for work but again was feeling so horrible that I called in and got back in bed. I did not wake up until 2:45!!! and that was only b/c hubs called me with a question! I had a dream at 9 in the morning (i woke up when myu work called me) that I slept till 4, and I really think I would have! I don't know what to do about this. I want to be dedicated and do my devotions in the morning, but clearly until I recover from this flare up I'm going to be useless. Hubs says it's a bad idea and I just need to go to our room at 9 and do my quiet times then which would give me an hour. I think getting up earlier than normal works great on the weekends--I can devote a lot of time to it and get up at an hour that I still function, but I just don't know if it is feasible for me now. Help! What do you think I should do??

5 o'clock club, day 3

After all the festivities of yesterday, I was in SERIOUS pain (and exhaustion) last night. One of my girls was still spending the night, but we went to bed fairly early (10:30) b/c I was just worn out. Well, it is a good thing that she spent the night, b/c otherwise I never would have gotten up this morning! She was planning to leave at 9:20 to head back to Nashville, so I got up at 8--about 30 minutes earlier than her, and did my quiet time. I'll be honest--it was not the most fruitful time b/c I was so so tired, but I did it. Then I helped her get breakfast and we talked for a bit before she left. Then I crawled back in bed and slept till 1. yeah. Did I mention that I am exhausted? I just don't think I will ever be able to have kids if my health doesn't improve, b/c this type of schedule is not realistic! Well, for the rest of the day while everyone is preparing for and attending SuperBowl parties, I am snuggled up in my recliner w/my butchy, my laptop nearby, a blanket, and some yummy leftover comfort food. Hubs headed over to a friend's house for the game, and I will be watching Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie episodes off my DVR. pray that I feel better for work tomorrow!

Five O'clock club, day 2

Well, it didn't happen today. I was up till midnight baking, prepping food, and cleaning the house to get ready for my Bible study reunion today. I got up at 8 to put the roast in the crock pot, make the dip and ice the cupcakes and do a quick sweep of the floors and wipe down in the bathroom--then the girls were here! Not a spare second, and after staying up that late I could not have gotten up any earlier. I am going to go my study tonight, and will get up a little early tomorrow morning. I'm nervous about the transition of getting up so early during my work week--and I'm not really sure how to divide everything that I like to do during my quiet times. I may have to do the Psalms, hymn book, and daily devotional & journaling and then do the more in-depth books at night too--i guess a quiet time sandwich is a good way to start and end your day!

Well, I'm off to read...I guess 8:30 pm can work too! lol

Ten in 10, week 5

Well, I was extremely disappointed when I weighed in yesterday and saw that I had not lost anything over the week. I thought did so well too! I was overjoyed to find that my feet were feeling much better, and as a result I exercised 4 times this week on my gazelle, as well as doing lots of crunches and weight stuff! I resisted the huge temptation of mexican food. Why won't the stupid scale budge! BOO!!!

I did not track everything I ate this week, so I may be eating more calories than I thought. This weekend has not been good in the food area though b/c I had a big reunion with my Bible study girls and made a ton of comfort food. Sadly, all the time on my feet has been very bad for me and I am in lots of pain :(

I guess all there is to do is rest, not eat too much, and start tracking every morsel again. One of my coworkers mentioned how all the meds I'm on may be interfering with my ability to lose weight. I'm afraid of that is true, and I don't know what to do about it. Wish me luck b/c this is so hard!

5 o'clock club--day one

Today was my official start in the "5 O'clock club" see this post for details. Here's how it went:

I got up at 9:10...that may not seem early at all, but I do not work on Fridays so this is the beginning of my "weekend" and, well, I normally don't wake up until about 11, so I think that is progress! I mean, I'm getting up earlier than normal for the sole purpose of spending time with the Lord, isn't that what this is about?

Here is what my "quiet time" routine is at this point.

Every Day:

• Read a chapter from Psalms (going consecutively through this book)
• Read an entry from my One Year book of Hymns--this has the lyrics of a classic hymn, a devotion regarding the circumstances in which the hymn was written or about the meaning of the lyrics, and a scripture verse or passage corresponding to the message.
• Read an entry from "Show Me Your Love: Classic Christian Writings" another devotional for every day of the year, with little page-long excerpts from the writings of classic Christian authors (think D.L. Moody, Andrew Murray, Thomas A Kempis, etc...)
• write in my prayer journal. I have recently realized how important it is for me to process my thoughts on paper (or a computer screen as it may be). I also gain a lot from being able to look back on previous prayers and see how God has answered them.

Rotate between these books each day:

• Fear Not Tomorrow, God is Already There~Ruth Graham: Billy Graham's daughter wrote this on dealing with trusting God with the future. My mom gave it to me recently when we found out about some financial uncertainties in our future. I'm really enjoying it! A recent quote that spoke to me: "God gives us a chance to believe His promise regardless of whether our emotions are on board, and His promise is 'I am with you'." (p. 39)
• Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging~Brennan Manning: Another mom gift! (can you tell that the book love runs in the family?) Another book on trusting God and realizing His love for us. It has also been a very helpful read. "Only reckless confidence in a source greater than ourselves can empower us to forgive the wounds inflicted by others." (p. 68) There is a lot about compassion, viewing ourselves as loved in God's eyes. Good stuff.
• The Believer's Daily Renewal~Andrew Murray: This is a re-read for me. One of my favorite devotionals ever, by one of the classic Christian authors (probably my favorite) written in the early 1900s, it focuses on our times with the Lord (encouraging us to start the day with the Lord) it is just WONDERFUL. I highly recommend it. "if your aim is simply to know the Bible well, you will be disappointed. If you think that a that a thorough knowledge of the Bible in itself will be a blessing, you are mistaken...the first prerequisite of Bible study is a great hunger after righteousness, a sincere desire to do all God's will." This deals so much with making knowledge of God an idol instead of a personal relationship with the Lord.--I cannot recommend it enough!
  
• Married but not Engaged: Why Men check out and what you can do to Create the Intimacy you Desire~Paul & Sandy Coughlin: Kinda "eh" about this one so far. I want to get some of my Christian marriage books in with my time with the Lord, and I felt that this was a huge issue when I really started my Quiet times again. I'm not sure how well it really applys to my situation, but hubs does struggle with passivity and fear of conflict which are some of the main focus points. No quotes from this one yet, but I'm never "above" getting some practical advice on how to make our marriage stronger!

*Todays focus seemed to be on having an honest prayer life and coming to God about everything.

• I read Psalm 35, and was struck with how self-centered the whole thing was--David asking God to vanquish and humiliate his enemies, yet David is considered a man after God's own heart?
  
• Believer's Daily Renewal was about "Moses the Man of Prayer" and what it means to be an intercessor (devoted to God, devoted to people, conscious of a divine calling to act as mediator "prayer is an index of our spiritual life, it's power depends on our relationship with God")
• The Hymns "It is Well with My Soul" and "At Even, Ere the Sun Was Set" (I was a day behind on these) Both deal with trusting God regardless of what our situation is and finding peace in Him
• Fear not Tomorrow was about finding comfort in God alone, not allowing subsitutes, and also realizing that finding comfort in God does not mean that the painful situation will stop, just that we can and should trust Him in all things.

I was reminded that no matter how small my situation, how selfish my desires may seem, or how hopeless I may feel, the evidence of a true relationship with God is that I come to Him with everything and am HONEST. I won't always get my desired result out of situations, but the point is that I trust Him with everything and know that His will is done

Huge accomplishment!!

My coworkers ordered in Mexican food for lunch and asked me if I wanted any. My very favorite thing in the WORLD is a beef chimichanga meal...after you eat the delicious deep-fried burrito you mix the beans and rice and guacamole and sour cream and salsa and then eat it w/chips (remember my Mexican Mush?) well, I told them that I wanted it...and then I said no! I got a much healthier lunch and though my heart ached for the Mexican Mush, I was proud of myself, and knew I could blog about it tonight! :)